Sixty six percent of Americans are now obese or overweight. That means fat women are everywhere. Online dating sites are overrun by fatties, just like the real world. An American man dating online must carefully avoid wasting time on land whales.
Fatties instinctively know that normals don’t desire them. But, did you know that fat women crave attention just like thin women? And they’ll go to great lengths to hide their weight. Fat women are crafty. Don’t be fooled by their trickery. Your life is short, don’t waste precious time on secret internet fatties (SIFs).
I’ve been dating online for a while. There are beautiful women online and I have slept with many of them. But I’ve fucked up badly as well. I’m not proud to admit that fat girls have tricked me into dates. Out of necessity, I’ve developed highly tuned SIF radar. You too can learn to avoid online fatties and focus on banging hotties instead. Here’s how to spot a land whale.
1) No Body Shots
This is a common fattie indicator. Only women with something to hide don’t have full body pics. Some fat women have very pretty faces. These types can suck you in and trick you into thinking they are thin. Don’t be fooled. Women with hot bodies love showing them off to the world.
2) Food References
Food is generally a bad sign. I avoid reading profiles, so I miss these sometimes. Food references in her user name or in her “things I can’t live without” list are big fat, red flags.
3) Food Pictures
Obvious. If she has pictures of her holding food, eating food, or pretending to eat food then she is probably shamefully fat. These sorts of pictures are disgusting to look at and show a lack of class on her part. Fucking nasty. Next.
4) Get In The Kitchen
There is one important exception. Pictures of hot girls cooking food are incredibly sexy. LADIES! This only applies to thin, attractive women. I love having attractive, half-naked young women cook for me. And it’s a way of testing their worth as long-term mates. If a women can’t cook, how will she keep her future children fed? Kids need healthy, home-cooked meals. Women who cannot cook are mostly worthless, only good for sex.
5) Code Breaking
Dating sites allow a woman to pick her body type. What a mistake. Of course, women are very dishonest about their figures. Let’s decode it:
- Average = Chunky
- Curvy = Fat
- A Little Extra = Obese
- Overweight = Fucking Behemoth
Stick to girls who describe themselves as “skinny” or “athletic.” Occasionally, you’ll find a “curvy” girl who actually is the hot kind of curvy. That’s rare.
Trying to nail down an online date, but think she might be a fat girl? Screen her out. Here’s how to defend against the SIF.
1) Body Pics
Insist on a recent full-body shot. Hot girls will send you one with no problem. You don’t need naked pictures at first. Just enough to see her body. If she refuses to send pics of her body pre-date? Cancel the date right away.
2) Facebook Stalk Her
Facebook friend her before the first date. Look at her most recent shots. Is she fat? If so, delete her from Facebook and cancel the date immediately.
3) Fat-Proof Your Profile
Here’s a good way to screen out chunky girls. The last line of my profile clearly states that “I refuse to date fat women.” It comes off as arrogant and cocky. It hasn’t kept me from seducing women. Sometimes I don’t look at a profile carefully and accidentally send an opener to a fat girl. Once she reads that line she knows better than to email me back. I also get occasional emails from angry fatties or butt-hurt feminists. A man with standards! Unacceptable! Like I said, a great way of screening out undesirables.
Online dating is a great way to meet and fuck attractive women. Don’t be discouraged by all the secret internet fatties! Once you know what to look for, you’ll become adept at avoiding these internet hand grenades.
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