How To Avoid Secret Internet Fatties

fat girl online

Sixty six percent of Americans are now obese or overweight. That means fat women are everywhere. And online dating sites are overrun by fatties, just like the real world. Fat girls instinctively know men don’t desire them. But did you know that fat women crave attention –  just like thin girls? It’s true. And they’ll go to great lengths to hide their weight. Fat women are crafty – don’t be fooled by their trickery. Your life is short; you can’t waste precious time on secret internet fatties (SIFs). Learn to screen them ruthlessly.

Tips for spotting land whales

1) No Body Shots

This is a common fattie indicator. Only women with something to hide don’t have full body pics. Be wary, some fat women have very pretty faces. These types can suck you in and trick you into thinking they’re thin. Remember, women with hot bodies love showing them off to the world.

2) Food References

Food references are generally a bad sign. I miss these sometimes, since I avoid reading profiles. Food references in her user name or in her “things I can’t live without” list are also big fat, red flags.

3) Food Pictures

Obvious, but important enough for a separate category. If she has pictures holding food, eating food, or pretending to eat food then she’s probably shamefully fat. These sorts of pictures are disgusting to look at and also show a lack of class on her part. Gross. Next.

4) No Collarbones

This is a quick way to tell if a girl is fat in a close up shot. Just look for her collarbones. Are they well-defined? Or hidden by flesh? If you cannot see her collarbones, she’s probably fat.

Are you trying to nail down an online date? Think she might be a fat girl, but still can’t be sure?

Screening fatties like a pro, advanced techniques

1) Get Full Body Pics

If you’ve got her number, insist on a recent full-body shot. Hot girls will text you one with no problem. You don’t need naked pictures at first. Just enough to see her figure. If she refuses to text or email pics? Cancel the date right away.

2) Stalk Her Online

Facebook friend her before the first date. Look at her most recent shots. Is she fat? If so, delete her and cancel the date immediately.

3) Fat-Proof Your Profile

The last line of my profile clearly states that I refuse to date fat girls. Yes, it comes off as arrogant and cocky, but it hasn’t kept me from getting laid. Sometimes I might get sloppy and accidentally send an opener to a SIF. Once she reads that line, she knows better than to email me back.

4) Code-Break

Dating sites allow a woman to pick her body type. What a mistake. Of course, women lie. Learn to decode body types:

  • Average = Chunky
  • Curvy = Fat
  • A Little Extra = Obese
  • Overweight = Behemoth

Stick to girls who describe themselves as “skinny,” “fit,” “jacked,” or “athletic.” Be open-minded though – on rare occasions you may find a curvy, voluptuous girl who isn’t actually fat.

Conclusion, reader comments

Some men hate online dating. But if done right, it can be great way to bang attractive women – especially for introverted men. So, don’t be discouraged by secret internet fatties! Just learn to hunt properly. Armed with the knowledge from this post, you’ll soon be adept at avoiding the wily SIF.

Need more tips on avoiding SIFs? See the reader comments below…

Read More: Never Hack Her Facebook

  • Ed

    Funny lol. The amount of big girls online is discouraging. There are two pieces that make it difficult:

    1. As you mentioned, if you’re not careful you will waste a bunch of time meeting women that flat out lied about their unattractiveness (and no, your inner beauty doesn’t translate to attractiveness).

    2. Women worth meeting are swarmed by every guy. Let’s say she’s 35. Every dumbass 18 year-old to every creepy 75 year-old is messaging her. It’s easy for your message to get lost in the wash.

    Let me add to your list of fat girl indicators:

    – She shows *some* of her body, but not all at once. The ones I’ve been fooled by are pictures where she may be lying down in a field or something where her gut and fat thighs are hidden.

    – She lists her body type as ‘athletic’, but again she fails to give a clear body shot. So you assume that she really is athletic. One can be athletic, but also thick. Just because she can squat 300 lbs doesn’t mean that she’s not 185 lbs. Also, she can think that she’s technically right by claiming that she’s athletic because she plays on a softball league that meets weekly and just basically is the place where she gets plastered with her friends. In this case, she also has a beer gut that would make any guy wince.

    – She mentions that she’s ‘not there but working hard on her body’. She’s definitely morbidly obese and is trying to lure in some poor sucker who wants to believe that she’s thin enough after all of the work she’s put in already.

    – She has blatant sexual overtones in her conversations with you. Fat girls are starved for sexual attention as no guy wants to touch her. Also, this is another lure that she has to throw out there to hook some guy into meeting her that no respectable woman would have to do.

    – There’s no chase involved. Any woman worth meeting will make you work at least a little for it. Big girls usually initiate the conversation and will reply back to any email, text or voice message in no more than 5 minutes.

    That’s awesome that you can get away with the ‘no fat girls’ disclaimer on your profile, and it’s even more awesome that you rub it in some feminist’s face. I’ve always thought that most women would see it and it would be such a turnoff that they would move on. But it probably would be worth it rather than wasting time being tricked by a chunker…

  • Halfbreed

    Thanks for the additional info, all good suggestions.

    I’ve actually toned down my profile since I first wrote this. But, the “no fat girls disclaimer” really didn’t generate as much anger as I thought it would when I did have it up. Some, but not too much. And the girls who did get pissed off tended to be fat, or feminists, so who cares. It was rare that an attractive girl would get upset about it.

    I still have a no fatties disclaimer, but it’s much more subtle and indirect now. I’ve tried several variations. It’s fun experimenting with, just to see what kind of responses you get.

  • Halfbreed

    It’s not satire.

  • BlueMoney

    Hey, so he’s not a settler. (Who wants to be Daniel Boone anyway?;)

  • Halfbreed

    Although, Daniel Boone was pretty awesome. ;)

  • Damn-Deal-Done

    If her facebook is locked, look at her friends. Some are unlocked and have photos of her.

  • Halfbreed

    Good point, thanks.

  • Ivette Aleman

    This is disgusting, shallow, and disheartening!! Grow up or just fade away.

  • Halfbreed

    Lol, okay. ;)

  • Rob Nemere

    Lol all 100percent accurate!

  • Rob Nemere

    You my friend are THE MAN!

  • Mario Favela

    Haha, thank you my friend.

  • Mario Favela

    Yes, it is. ;)

  • HDLuffy

    This is good stuff.

  • Mario Favela

    Thank you.

  • David Daniels

    Hilarious and 100% accurate.

  • David Daniels

    Are you fat? Sounds like you are.

  • Mario Favela

    Thanks man.

  • cat blade

    You know…. there’s a difference between not being attracted to a fat person and outright calling them names. Why so vindictive? Wow, you’re not attracted to fat folks – angry about it much?

    It’s like the difference between saying… I’m not attracted to Latino men, vs. saying, “How to spot a greasy spick online.”

    Step 1. Look at his profile and see if he’s felating a burrito.

    note: You have to “red flag” the food pics with them too.


  • Mario Favela

    You spelled ‘spic’ wrong.

  • cat blade

    It’s true. I’m not as well versed in hate speech as you.